thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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