Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
