Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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