I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
