im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
