Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
