So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
