just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
