So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
