I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
