i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
