Pappa wants mamma naked
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
