i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
