Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
