i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
