he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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