he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
