Do you still have your period?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
