I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
wow bdsm is so cute
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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