I'm lost and stupid without you.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
