Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
