it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
