We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
