Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
