I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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