Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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