i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
