My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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