I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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