very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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