If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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