Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
