I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
