she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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