zippers are such a cool invention
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
