Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
