you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
