yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
