I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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