I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
