We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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