I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
