i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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