you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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