i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
