I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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