you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
