im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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