You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
