Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
